yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
