accomplished twins. life is a go
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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