I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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