i don't like sucking hair
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
