I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
