He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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