Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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