is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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