I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
