Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
