why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
