Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
