im holly from the hills drunk
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
