Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
