I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
