Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize