I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
