I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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