He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
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I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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