I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
