Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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