a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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