im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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