i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
