No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
