My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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