She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
