Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
