OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
