in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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