I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
