Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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