i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize