I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
