The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
