I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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