Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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