alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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