Don't make out with my wife yet
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
