i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
