Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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