Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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