yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
