So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
