I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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