I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
