New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
