im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize