i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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