Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
