You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I supernannyed him into submission
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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