Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
