There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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