So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
