Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
