Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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